Thursday, September 15, 2005

I'm pretty sure I had someting inetersting to say here today.

I'm pretty sure that I had something to say about why I was in tears twice today.

Then again, I don't think it's worth posting. Nothing about the subject seems worth it anymore, not after having to walk in front of her today, knowing she was there, and wanting to turn around and shake her and ask her so many things. I wanted to cry to her, I wanted to hug her, I wanted to hit her, and most of all, I wanted to know something. I wanted an answer to a question that I knew she couldn't give. I wanted an answer to something that I don't think anyone could answer; and I'm going crazy over it. I want to know, damnit.

But at the same time... That was the first time I had serious "contact" with someone I "wasn't supposed" to anymore. That was the first time where I seriously almost turned around and started rambling, talking, and being upset. But... The mere fact that I didn't, and I held it together, I hope, is an indication that I am on my way away from this stupidity that seems to control my life. They have moved on; and nothing will ever be the same. No amount of smiles, tears, or regret will EVER change what happened.

That's all this is. Stupidity.