Shannon @ 12:23:00 PM
Sunday, June 15, 2008
expectations...
I'm not sure what I expected.
I don't know what I wanted to happen.
But somehow I don't think it was this.
I can't believe how much this hurts; how badly it feels to know this stuff.
I can't believe this. I don't know what to do.
I feel sick to my stomach and somehow slightly relieved.
I think I wanted him to say he still cared about me. That somehow, through this, I mattered to him. Even though nothing would have come out of it, it would have been a comfort.
But he seems colder now. Or maybe it's just me trying to protect myself.
He's met someone else - and that hurts me to hear, to understand even though it's hypocritical since I have too. I want to ask him if he ever thought about me or anything, but I'm afraid - do I really want to know? Either way, what would that information do for me? He's moved on in many senses it seems and we won't EVER be back to the way things were - or even close. And maybe that's good.
Maybe it's for the better - it has to be.
I hope he finds happiness with this new girl and I hope she understands she's really found a good guy. Despite our past I still care for him as foolish as it may be.
All I can hope now is that next week goes really well. If it doesn't, I'm in for a heapload of emotional trouble.