Shannon @ 2:16:00 PM
Sunday, June 15, 2008
tears...
Second post of the day...
He's not being cold, I'm just... Over analyzing, trying to protect myself. I kind of wish he was being cold - I'd have a reason to feel this way.
It might not be too hard to be friends with him. We've decided to 'take it slow' (after a bit of a heart-to-heart) and see how things go. Neither one of us is going to push it; we're on speaking terms now anyways and that's a good start. Things won't ever be the way they were before, but that's probably good. Even though, somewhere inside of me, I kind of feel that's what I want. I spent a long, long time with Diego - I feel like he may know more about me than I know about myself. And that's hard to let go of. But, to be honest, I think maybe talking to him was the first step in trying. Piece by piece I'll let it go. Slowly, very slowly...
Ever think that you can be too attached to someone? I think that's what happened with Diego. I got so emotionally invested with him, so wrapped in my dreams that reality seemed... Unreal. I'm with a guy now who, while I know he loves me, doesn't show it as often, doesn't display it like Diego did. And, perhaps, this is good. I miss it, for sure - I miss the comfort, all of that - but it's good. It'll help me stand on my own two feet which I'm realizing with each coming day that I have to do more and more. Relying on others is nice, but relying on yourself is important too.
I'm trying to be strong here, but all I really want to do is cry. And this is the worst kind of sadness - Sadness that you're unsure about, that you can't explain. You can't tell anybody because all you feel is this relentless tug on your heart strings and you feel like no one would understand.
No one would understand because you don't either.