Shannon @ 11:25:00 PM
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
same as always...
Part of what is killing me here is I don't know if anything is true... Did he ever really have feelings for me, did he ever really love me or was it just a ploy, just a game to him? Did he just use me so I'd continue to RP with him, so he'd have someone, always there, unwavering, no matter what he did?
And if he did, why is it so suddenly lost? Why is it gone so fast? How did he let go? WHY, for God's sake, is he not fighting for me?
I guess you can love someone to the ends of the Earth but you can't make them love you back no matter what you do.
And that's only one of them... I have my own set of problems (though the questions are eerily similar) with the other one... Oh boy.
I just want to curl up and cry for the next three days.
But I won't, I can't. I can't spend the rest of my life like this. I don't want to (but why, then, do I keep making myself miserable?).
I can't wait for this weekend. I can't wait to get away and be around people. ICAN'TWAIT.
I also can't wait to get back to school... To be distracted, to have other things, other people on my mind.
I can't wait until the day when I think about him and don't feel incapacitated with sadness and frustration. I can't until the day I can go without crying about this.
I can't wait.