Shannon @ 1:54:00 PM
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
and so it goes
Good news: My schedule for next semester is all set and is, in fact, very awesome. I'll be done with class by 11:15 on MWF and I don't start class until 11:10 on TTh... My labs are TTh at 2:20 and I got into both my vertebrate zoology and my online chem class... I'm taking 17 credits again, which is always fun.I think I might get my job back at the dining hall... I really, really need money. It'd driving me crazy not to have something coming in. I mean, I have the tutoring I'm doing, but I get three hours a week right now (it's possible I'll have more next semester - I started kind of late this semester) and that's not a lot of money. I wish I could get a job somewhere else, 'cause I really don't want to work at the dining hall, but we'll see about it.
I need to apply to Santa Fe/the zoo tech program in Florida soon as well as look into internships/at least volunteer opportunities for this summer (I'm looking at a sanctuary called JNK, which I think would be awesome; I'd live with my friend Rachel who'd be doing it with me, at her house... Much cheaper!)... If not that, I definitely need a job this summer. So, so much to do...
Living here has made me more aware of how unaware most people are. They aren't aware of how their actions affect others (or maybe they are and they just prefer to be assholes about it and don't really care - I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt, I guess). I don't belong here. I don't like it here. It seems that everyone here smokes and drinks all the time, or if not all the time, a hell of a lot more than I do. And that wouldn't normally bother me, I guess, aside from the fact that, as a RA, I now have to watch out for and deal with it... Especially when they're dumb about it. My staff is great, though I don't feel a great connection to them as I think most staffs may feel. My residents... Are wonderful when they so choose to be, although some of them are genuinely awesome people. I have to initiate conversation with most of them, they won't come to me, and it's tiring. I realize it's my job to be friendly, outgoing and interested, but when you don't get anything back from your efforts, you have less motivation to do it the next time.
My residents will stand outside of my room and collect for dinner (note that this isn't all of them, though a good portion of them - and if they don't collect, they at least walk by to go downstairs), but won't ask me to go. And it's not like they would think that I've already gone because I will have been sitting in my room since 1 or 2 in the afternoon and not left for more than two minutes to go to the bathroom, my door open the entire time. I think it's rude and unkind that they would not at least ask - even if they had the thought that I might have already gone. I would never think to do that to someone unless I really didn't know them. Most of the time I'm lucky to get a 'hello' or even a smile from half of them.
I guess I'm just tired of this place, this semester, my life. I'm lonely here. And not just because I don't have a boyfriend - it's more than that. My closest friend on campus is Cliff, who is on staff, but it's not like I'm as good of friends with him as I am with, say, Kelsey or Tanya who live on the other side of campus. I can't just go over there all the time either because not only do they and I have things to do, but I need to be in my building sometimes too... Not that it matters most of the time, seeing as when I *am* here, I just sit here with my door open while my residents seem to hardly take notice of me, whether I say 'hello' or not.
I'm tired... Too tired for all of this. I need a break...
[/rant]
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