Shannon @ 2:57:00 PM
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Simply said
I miss him.
I want to write, to create again.
I wish I knew how he really felt.
This loneliness is overpowering sometimes. I'm surrounded by people almost all the time but still I can't seem to be happy.
He's moved on, it seems, quicker than I expected, and without coming back. Not that I really miss him, but if he can be happy (if he is? Who even knows) why can't I?
He's confused and has no idea what he wants. He's been dragging me through the mud for too long now and although I finally told him it was far less liberating than I wanted it to be. It's been a week now. Most of all, I fear he might actually not come back this time.
I haven't spoken to him since July. I wonder if he'll say anything to me when I get on WoW in a few weeks. I wonder how he's doing and, yes, I miss him a little too. It scares me.
Being alone scares me. It's hard to stand up on your own. You think you get used to it after a while but really, I'm not sure it gets much easier. Maybe to a point, maybe for periods of time, but not completely.
I just don't know why I'm the friend and nothing more. Why am I just the one to come to to talk and not anything more than that? I guess I can't blame them.
I don't think I'd want to date me either.
I am pretty fucked up in the head.
Blahblahblah the right one will come along and then you'll know. I guess I'm just sick of waiting, I'm getting impatient.
I don't know why I focus on this so much. Maybe it has something to do with my lack of self-esteem and my inability to reassure myself that I can do well on my own and without another person's approval.
Who knows.
Just another day... One more step without them.