Shannon @ 4:01:00 PM
Friday, May 22, 2009
Wow
Wow.
I suck. So hardcore.
And ya know what? This whole week has sort of sucked. Found out my parents have to declare chapter seven bankruptcy, we have next to no money in the meantime, and my glasses broke. I have to charge a good amount of stuff to the new credit card I just got, which despite all of my Mom's reassurance, still scares the shit out of me. I had to go to the doctors - which I hate - which, on the way, is where my Dad told me about the bankruptcy. So in addition to sort of having a panic attack for being at the doctor, I felt like crying because of what he'd told me. They seem fine and okay and everything and they say it wont' affect my schooling or anything like that, but still. Scary, scary, scary.
Another thing: School. Got grades today. And I anticipated this semester being my worst semester yet... And it was. I sort of expected it, so I was vaguely numb to the whole idea to begin with, but meh. It's still got me down. Makes me want to work harder next semester, though. I think I just had wayyyyy too much going on this semester and I was so burnt out that I couldn't get myself to do anything. I'm in a few classes with one of my friends so hopefully I'll be able to work off her steam in getting myself through it all. I'm vaguely optimistic.
My internship this summer will hopefully save my mood and my resolve in what I'm doing. For the first time I've started to doubt myself - but more the fact that I'm doubting my abilities rather than what I want to do. I can't wait to get started with this internship and see how things go... I'm excited to see what this has in store for me. At the bottom, this is a great opportunity... The highest hopes is that maybe they offer me a job if I do a fantastic job. I hope to take every avenue with this... Do everything I can.
Annnnnnd then there's Ramon. I get nervous and giddy around him, I love just watching him or just sitting and listening to the silence, really. It's become normal for us, and the two of us are... Interesting, to say the least. We're not together, but I get the feeling that neither of us is particular running after someone else. The hard thing is that neither of us really wants the whole distance. Honestly I've done it enough, and I'm not sure I can do it again. He's definitely not into it, which I respect, but I know how he feels about me, and it's hard. I guess, though, that I'm learning to live with it the way it is. Maybe he'll come visit sometime soon (he keeps saying so, and I was going to go over the summer, but with the current financial situation, that certainly isn't going to happen). This is technically the least of my worries right now.
And yet... I worry.
The hell is wrong with me? When will things get better? :/