Shannon @ 8:21:00 PM
Monday, November 26, 2012
It's never going to change.
It's never going to change.
It's never going to change.
It's never going to change. It's never going to change.
It's never going to change.It'snevergoingtochange.
It'snevergoingtochang.It'snevergoingtochange.
This is what has been going through my head for the last few days/weeks. If I think about it, I know it's true. Maybe 'never' is a bit much, but still. It won't be in a time frame I'm comfortable with. I've been compromising for a while now and... It's just not a compromise I want to continue anymore. It stresses me out and is driving me crazy.
I've given him a long time to make a decision, and if actions speak louder than words, then his actions have been screaming and yelling for the better part of a year.
I'm lost in this. I'm angry most of the time (though I hide it well and on purpose), stressed out, and utterly exhausted. Almost every waking moment I spend thinking about this situation that I've put myself in. It makes it so I can't sleep, or when I do sleep, I still wake up too tired for my day.
I don't want to walk away from this, but I don't think I have any more choice, either.
Soon I will ask him, as a veiled and desperate attempt at making him think about what he's doing, if him and Amanda are still a 'thing'. I already know the answer, but I want to hear it from him. When he asks why I'm asking, I'll tell him it's because I just need to make sure my head is on straight, that I know where I stand and where I'm going.
Our relationship, really, is full of half-truths and skirting around certain issues. He won't really talk to me about her, or tell me when he hangs out with her, and I haven't mentioned Chris since that first time I went over to his house to hang out.
I need a break. Someone let me off the world, please.